Three Meals a Day and a Bed

I have a draft saved of some quotes from residents back at the nursing home where I used to work, waiting to be turned into these beloved blog-posts that tear at your heartstrings (they do tear at your heartstrings, right?).  Ah, in either case, I like re-reading the quotes I wrote down.  I like thinking about them and developing a post about them.  Somehow what a resident said to me in 2 or 3 sentences always has enough depth to it that I feel like I need to write a novel to process it fully.

Maybe it's because I remember the emotion on their face when they said things.  I remember the way they clasped their hands together nervously, or the way their eyes tried to fight back a tear.  Words aren't everything, you know?  Some of them may have had no words at all, but they still had stories.

I recall one quote in particular this week as we're approaching Thanksgiving - she was a resident from another floor that had come down to play bingo with my group of residents who had Alzheimer's/dementia.  As I was taking her back up to her room, she said to me:

"I don't know how you do it, work with these sick people all the time.  Do you love it?  You'd have to love it.  I couldn't do it - it would make me so sad.  I wish we had more people like you here." 

She was right, the job did make me sad.  I shed my fair share of tears over residents I'd grown to love passing away.  I'd also hardened my heart enough at times to not shed a single tear over the death of some of my favorites just so I could keep smiling for the rest.  It was a thankless job that left me crying on the days I cared too much, and feeling guilty about the days I cared too little.

But that part didn't matter.  That part was just part of the territory, something you learned to deal with.  (See "Better to Have Loved and Lost").  You learn to cope with the "sad" parts.  You have to.  And besides, they're balanced out by more happy moments than you might think!

The thing that really struck me was that she, a 90-plus year old woman herself, saw my residents as "sick people."  She perceived their mental disabilities and immediately identified it as something she didn't want to be, much less care for.  Don't get me wrong, she was one of the absolute sweetest residents I ever knew.  A true gentle spirit.

But that's the nature of the work.  Even the gentlest of hearts are not always cut out to care for the aged, the demented, the sick.  It takes a special heart, a very special heart indeed.

This Thanksgiving I want to recognize all the nurses, aides, social workers, doctors, and countless other roles who dedicate their hearts to caring.  I had the unique privilege to witness firsthand what these people do for our senior citizens day after day, and I will always admire them for it.  There literally are not enough words to express the degree of gratitude appropriate for the contribution they make, so instead I'll turn to another quote from Derek.

The main care-taker in the show's "Old People's Home," Hannah, is the most beautifully accurate portrayal of the self-sacrifice practiced by so many of our care-givers, sacrifice that often goes completely unnoticed.

Her words are gold:

"People think care means three meals a day and a bed.  But it means caring.  And if you don’t care, you shouldn’t be in the job.  They deserve all the same pleasures as anyone else.  Just because they’re old and poor and weak, they’re forgotten..."

“I’ve learned that you’ve got to look after people, that it’s important to care for people; that you shouldn’t be selfish, you should try and look after the old and the ill and the weak, you know?  And then you’ll never be stuck for something to do, because there’ll always be people to look after.  It never stops.  There’s no end.”

Like I said, words aren't everything, so you should probably watch the show and hear her say it for yourself ;) But in the meantime, stop and think about those who invest so much of their time and heart to care for people the rest of the world has forgotten.

THANK YOU to all the nurses and aides specifically, and all the other staff and volunteers who know what it means to truly care.  And thank you to their families who see first-hand the toll that degree of caring can take.  It is truly a special responsibility.

One more thing I'm thankful for: This awesome program a friend showed me and the people who organized it.  If you're in the Lincoln area, think about taking part!  Everybody else, consider calling up your local nursing home and asking what special needs they might need a little extra help with this Christmas.  The smallest gesture often makes a world of difference!

Happy Thanksgiving!