Here's a copy of everything I started out with in those five notes:
Saturday, September 3, 2011
We have one resident who cries a lot. Like, a lot. For seemingly no reason. That's part of alzheimer's apparently...eventually the part of your brain that controls emotions just starts to, well, lose control. Most of the staff usually has to just set her aside (otherwise it will upset the other residents) and give her a cookie or something, because that calms her down much more than anything you could say ever would.
Along with her crying, she can go on and on talking in utter gibberish. She'll talk to you for as long as you'll listen, and while it usually isn't coherent sentences, there is usually a general happy/sad/anxious/sarcastic/etc. tone that you can at least nod and go along with. But the second you walk away the tears almost always come back.
This morning while we were serving breakfast I noticed that she was in an unusually pleasant mood. I hadn't seen her cry at all yet (which, unfortunately, is unusual). When I offered to cut her french toast for her, she looked up at me and said (as clear as day, perfectly coherent): "Thank you. You know, I really like you. Everyone else is always too busy but you're always so nice and helpful to me. And I pray for you, you know that? You're a nice girl - that's why I pray for you." I believe with all my heart she knew exactly what she was saying; and on what started out as a rough morning, it was also exactly what I needed to hear.
Wow.
A couple bits of wisdom I heard today from my "80 and over" friends:
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"Whether you put sugar in your coffee or not, it's going to look the same. But you still know it will taste better with sugar."
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"The world would be a much less violent place if people would just take interest in the right things again."
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And my all-time favorite, that actually happened last month: "If you're ever going to fight anybody, make sure you fill up with bubbles first. That way, if the other guy stabs you, he'll only burst a bubble and not YOU!"
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And I feel like there's one more from today that I'm forgetting so I'll have to come back and edit this once I remember :P
The latest advice/comments from my residents:
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Regarding motherhood: "If you take time to enjoy yourself it's really not that bad. When you take time to be happy, it always makes you more happy."
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I had a woman tell me yesterday that the dentist did a great job with my teeth, but he could have made my front teeth a little smaller.
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During morning stretches/exercise:
Me: "When you exercise it's really important to have enough oxygen in your blood flowing through your body. What's one way we can give ourselves an oxygen boost?"
Resident: Drink a beer!
Me: ....I was thinking more along the lines of yawning.
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With Fall approaching, we're starting to do some "snooping" to get Christmas gift ideas for the residents. I asked a few of them what they would want for Christmas this year if they could have anything in the world. These were some of their responses:
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Resident: "Oh, I don't need a thing. There must be other people that you could get something for instead!"
Me: "There are, but if there was ONE thing that you'd kind of like to have, what would it be?"
Resident: "Oh I guess a pair of silk stockings."
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"Oh nothing much. I don't wear a lot of jewelry. Maybe a top? A blue one! A blue top."
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"The world! I'd like the world in a bag please."
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"A nice dinner with everybody and my family."
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One of our male residents was talking with a nurse aide, asking her who various people were as they walked by. When I walked past, she told him, "That's Anna. We have a lot of Annas here actually." "Oh really?" he replied. I told him, "Yeah, it gets kind of confusing sometimes. Would you like to call me something else instead?" He thought for a moment then said, "Yes, I'll call you Myrtle." I laughed and said, "Alright, Myrtle it is! I'll see you later H___." "See ya, Myr!"
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One final sidenote: It looks like our chaplain is going to be able to purchase a harp for our facility. Guess who the activities staff elected to learn how to play it. Yep! Yours truly :) Looks like some music therapy may be in my future...
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One more final sidenote: The therapy dogs came in again last night. I have to say, in almost three months I still have not seen as big of a smile on some of the residents' faces as I do when they see a dog. Which is making me all-the-more eager to get my St. Bernard / Newfoundland and start training it as a therapy dog. Donations to the puppy fund would not be under-appreciated ;P
This post is a little different. All of our employees at the retirement center have online learning/tests we have to complete each month. This month's had a line in it that I really liked, so I'm going to share:
"When we help we may inadvertently take away from a senior more than we give; we may diminish their self-esteem, their sense of worth, integrity and wholeness. Serving is different than helping. Service is a relationship between equals."
I've been learning a lot lately that we are not there to entertain the residents, or even to take care of them. We are there to reaffirm their already existing purpose. In setting the table for them, in picking out their outfits, choosing their meals, helping them use the bathroom, etc etc etc, we are taking away the very things that make them human. It doesn't matter how great the "activities" we put on are if the people we are doing it for have lost the sense of what it means to be alive. "Giving a sense of purpose" vs "entertaining" is a very important distinction.
One thought has been on my mind the last few days, and it is regrettably brash but in many ways true nonetheless: Those caring for the elderly are not simply there to keep them from dying; they are there to keep them from wishing they were already dead.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Do you remember when you were a little kid and you could transform just about any boring situation into a grand, exciting scheme just with a little imagination? It's as if you didn't mind the current situation, no matter how dull, because it simply provided a canvas to create a better scenario in your head. A long car ride easily became a rocket ship adventure; sitting in timeout you could pretend you were a caged lion at the zoo; and crawling under the pews at church felt more like digging an underground system of tunnels for your secret clubhouse.
That's what I was reminded of when one of our residents told me a story the other day. I don't know exactly how much of it may or may not have been true. But whether the tale actually ever occured or not, it is real to her. Believing in it means, at least for that moment, that she is not terminally confined by the locked doors of a dementia unit, but instead is passing through on her way between adventures. And besides that, it's a good story, fact or fiction. So without further ado, I present to you: Josephine's Story.
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I was in love once. When I was fourteen. The neighbor boy and I were in love. He wanted me to marry him, but my mother wouldn't let us. He was from a very well-off family. We did everything together, but then one day his father died suddenly. His mother took him and moved a few towns over to stay with family. I never saw him after that.
Well, until one day, a couple years ago. You'll never believe it but I saw him right here, just downstairs! He was here to visit a friend of his when he saw me across the room and said, "Josephine! Is that really you?" I said, "Well yes, it's me!" He asked if I was married, and when I told him I wasn't he wanted us to get married right then. Well I told him that wouldn't do; people didn't get married at our age. I was 92 after all, and he was 89. But he wanted to get married, so I agreed.
He said we'd walk down to the courthouse together, but I said, "Don't be silly, I can't walk anymore in this wheelchair. Well don't you know he bought me a limosine? A real big one with a bed in the back of it so I could ride. It turns out when his father died he left him a great deal of money, but he had saved it all his life - never spent a penny! Until he found me, and he promised to treat me like a queen.
Well we were on our way to the courthouse, and you won't believe it but he dropped down dead. I thought he had just tripped, but he was dead. And I don't know how he had arranged it so quickly but he left me all of that money. 15 million dollars! You know how much money 1 million dollars is? Well imagine fifteen! That's a lot of money.
I gave most of it away. All the girls downstairs that have been real good to me? I gave them each a couple thousand. Oh they were so excited! And I gave a great deal to my pastor. The church was having some trouble so I figured that would be the best thing to do with it. It was good to help them out. 15 million was too much for me to handle on my own! I think that's why he left it to me. He knew I'd give it away to people who needed it.
Well, I did keep a little bit for myself, of course. I actually have a new house. I'm leaving soon to go there just as soon as Jane comes to pick me up. Did I tell you how I built the house? I designed the whole thing myself. There are four young boys I know that really needed some work. Boy were they in a tough spot! Well don't you know they said they could build my house for me for just 2,000 dollars. And you know, these days a house usually costs 8,000. But they said the could do it for 2,000 and wouldn't let me give them a penny more. And, oh! They did such a wonderful job! They built the whole thing in just two weeks! And you ought to see the shingles. Porcelain squares of every color. It's such a beautiful roof!
Well I took some of the leftover money and filled the house with furniture. And I found the most perfect red couch. It's just gorgeous! It was 1,200 dollars, but I figured I could splurge on that one thing. Oh, you ought to see it! And I got one of those new tubs.. have you seen them? The ones with the fancy jetstreams? I'm having it installed in the basement so I can take bubble baths! Oh it's just wonderful. I can't wait for Jane to come so I can go stay in my new house.
You'll have to come visit and see it all! Will you please come visit?
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