Today my residents informed me that since I'm 21, I'm now officially a lady. I asked them what that entails, and these are the guidelines they gave me:
1) Give up smoking (they were pleased to hear that I never started, so I can skip this step).
2) When you leave for work every morning, kiss your Momma goodbye.
*3) Find a really handsome man.
He should also be:
-Polite
-Willing to help with the housework (find this out by asking if he knows how to dust)
-Willing to help raise the kids (find this out by noticing if he even likes kids)
4) Wedding dresses are hard to find (good ones at least), so start looking now for a man and a dress.
4) Have 3-4 kids (at least more than 2, because kids are great, so more is better).
5) Write out these rules 3 times every night.
6) "Marriage is an important step, so you really have to think think think."
7) Stop reaching across people. This one may or may not have been added after I, uh, reached across someone. Sorry, Mom.
*Extra advice given for accomplishing #3:
-"Be kind to children when they come to visit you, so that the man will see that and want to marry you."
-In response to the classic, "How do you know if he's the one?"
-If you get very happy when you see him. And if your heart flutters, too? Oh boy!
-Talk to your mother. She knows what type of man is right for you. She just knows.
-Keep your heart open.
-He should have brothers for the residents to marry. They said they'll take the "really, really handsome ones," and I can have the "sorta handsome" ones. Aren't they sweet?
-Pray that God will help you find a man and find him soon.
I'm starting to think this is a blog more about relationship advice than general wisdom and humor. Don't worry, I've got some stuff brewing for the next post that is more "touching," if you will. Check back soon!
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